Trust is like a great orgasm, everyone believes they have a lot of it, but in actuality, nobody knows what the fuck they are doing. In this blog, you will discover how to overcome insecurity and replace it with an abundance mentality.
A lot of relationships information says that jealousy in relationships originates from insecurity. We feel jealous because we don’t acknowledge our value. We see other people as ‘greater’ than us which makes us feel not enough and we become afraid of being replaced.
No matter how confident you are, there is always an area that just is not your department. Tweet
Previously, we discussed the differences and causes of Envy and Jealousy
Now we will be looking into overcoming Envy and Jealousy.
Not easy as it looks, I myself suffer from it, but the practice is the key.
Knowledge is wealth, but the practice is the key to it-Ibn Khaldun Al
An immediate google search reveals that jealousy and possessiveness in relationships are things that people seem to struggle with a lot. But does that mean to eliminate them completely? No indeed, as we saw earlier they are there for a reason. The only thing to look at is to change your perspective towards them and not to get freed from them completely.
Let’s deal with Insecurities by dealing with insecurities. ( I know its an annoying answer)
#1st takeaway on how to overcome insecurity.
Being vulnerable with what you feel and why you feel it!
In the first place, you need to be aware of what you are feeling. Is it Envy or Jealousy? Both are often conflated to mean the same. Don’t store up your insecurities and let them consume you from inside. If you don’t feel enough, tell your partner about it. Be vulnerable. Let them in, show them your vulnerabilities, give them a chance to encourage you, and build you up.
Communicating properly that you feel jealous because of your insecurities will help you a lot in the long run. You don’t have to worry about being judged by your partner. When I become jealous, I confess it to my girlfriend why and what makes me assume that way. (i know this awful, but there is no other way out). She calms me telling me what I mean to her and what the other person means to her. Sometimes, you just have to understand. I know this sounds strange, of you being jealous of XYZ person, and accepting it as well. But you need to fucking speak up. ‘I feel this and for that reason’ (Illegitimate reasons would do!.)
#2nd takeaway on how to overcome jealousy
You should adopt an abundance mindset
However, when it comes to jealousy, precisely, a major issue is that your thinking comes from a place of inadequacy.
Especially, you’re thinking that there’s a lack of everything that you want in your life.
This scarcity mindset causes the following problems:
- It focuses on what you’re lacking or desiring in your life
- It creates the delusion that there’s only one “prize”
It’s because of this mindset, that we seldom feel jealous when somebody has something that we don’t.
But that’s a deficient mindset because if someone has something that you want, it doesn’t certainly take away your ability to have it too.
The inadequacy mindset makes you believe that if someone has something that you don’t, that they’re anyhow“taking” it away from you or preventing you from having it too…
But in reality, that’s not the case…
This is where embracing an abundance mindset completely shifts your outlook.
The abundance mindset “fixes” the problems that occur with the scarcity mentality. In other words…
- It shifts your attention from what you’re lacking to everything that you already have (This creates a feeling of abundance)
- It focuses on the rich nature of everything that you want in your life
By embracing an abundance mindset, you realize that by someone having something, it doesn’t take away your capacity to have it too.
In other words, the abundance mindset makes you understand that there’s enough for everyone, and therefore, there’s no need to feel insecure.
#3rd takeaway on How to overcome insecurity
Let’s talk about Envy as well
I admit I have not been exercising for two weeks. Reason ahh, possibly because I tell myself to concentrate on blogs, youtube videos for kids, and their promotion. These are the problems in my life for which I give a shit about. They in return give me happiness. Recently, I was scrolling through Instagram. I see an Indian living abroad. Simultaneously, come across his workout videos. I think he is fortunate. He stays in the USA. That’s why people respect him and see his exercise routine. OK, I am already doing that. Then I see his hot abs workout (I notice my tummy fat already jutting out.) Why the fuck am I not exercising?
Then I see a story on my account, a girl dancing with her dog. I wish I had a dog too. I don’t know what I’ll do with him, but I wish I had one. Then there is another pain in the ass, I see, people roaming out in cars during the lockdown.
#4th takeaway on how to overcome insecurity
Get a reality check and start appreciating
When you’re wondering at someone’s social networking profile or alumni newsletter update, it’s natural to forget that everyone has a public and private face. We all strive to put our safest face forward. That classmate or co-worker who seems to have an amazing life may be secretly coping. (fuck I struggle too…). Don’t believe the hype about other people. Instead, realize that everyone strives with something and you might not know what the inside view of another person’s life is.
I got an exercise for you. It’s simple as well. Any moment, I see anyone attempting something new, like opened a YouTube channel or started blogging, started a dance or singing career, or maybe got a new partner, instead of thinking wish I could also ….. (wait I already have a sweetheart). Stop yourself there itself and go admire that human for the work they are doing. I may text, call, comment, or mysteriously text them for the wonderful thing they are doing. Even if they are fucking their life, it’s their growth to take care of. The idea here is to stop self-sabotaging and go acknowledge someone. This has many benefits. First, it makes you more good-natured. Second, you don’t grieve alone, you get many people at your back. Third, you share their blessing and delight, you become a member of their life.
#5th takeaway on how to overcome insecurity
Envy and Jealousy in relationships
When someone grieves from Envy, they want to be like us. We can take care not to gather their Envy. Even though we unquestionably don’t want to have to downfall what is good in our lives just to suit another person, we can be mindful to provide a balanced picture. We can tell them of what difficulties we face in our day-to-day life (OK, I suck at dancing), instead of bragging about your greatness.
When someone undergoes Jealousy they want to be with us. We can take the edge of their jealousy by reassuring them of their value to us. Of course, don’t give in to jealousy and estrange other people from your lives.
Also, one more pro tip, if the above doesn’t work. (fuck everyone)
You can’t please everyone.Anonymous storybook
#6th takeaway on how to overcome Jealousy
You should focus on improving yourself
Feelings of jealousy are an indication that something in your own life needs to be changed.
If you’re feeling anxious, it means that you want something that you don’t have.
Instead of dwelling in emotions of jealousy, you should take action on bettering yourself so that you can obtain whatever it is that you desire.
If it’s a more desirable job, improve your skillset. If it’s more salary, find a better job…And so forth…
However, sometimes, the reason for jealousy goes beyond a simple skillset or job…
Sometimes it’s your own self-esteem that’s the problem. Perhaps, that’s what you need to improve, instead of changing the outward things around you.
Improving your self-esteem can make all the difference between feeling envious or not.
#7th takeaway on how to overcome jealousy
You should get inspired
Perhaps someone has the vehicle, house, career, relationship, family, success, etc. that you’ve always imagined of…
Instead of getting jealous, use it as an aha moment!
You shouldn’t get jealous of other people’s’ success. If anything, you should use it as fuel to move you to accomplish whatever it is that you desire.
Going back to the superabundant mindset, someone else’s success doesn’t take away your strengths to succeed. It’s really important to always chew that over.
(Sidenote: I’m using “success” as a general term to mean getting something that you desire)
If someone has something that you’ve always required, use them as a role model. Or even better, use them as a coach!
Jealousy and Envy are both good indicators. Do not ignore or suppress them. They can help you protect and nourish your relationship (ultimately who wants to put their partner at risk?) Owning your jealousy and envy may sound scary, but helps a lot in the long run. Hopefully, these eye-opening truths have helped you check any jealous emotions that you may be believing. Just a minor shift in your thoughts and mindset can change the way that you’re feeling. If you aspire to overcome insecurity, you need to make a transformation in your mindset.
As for jealousy, it’s alright to want your partner to yourself and making that clear to others. That is your companion after all. Mark your limits when required. But don’t overdo it.
So, do you have any advice on how to overcome insecurity? I’d love to hear from you!
Let me know in the comments.
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