In this blog, we will look at the roots of Jealousy and Envy
A short story of Bella
Bella’s deep-seated belief that she was inadequate and undeserving of love. So, this motivated her to seek male attention not to mention, intentionally act in ways to make her boyfriend jealous and more eager. Finally, her insecurity also made her jealous. She imagined that he desired other women when, on the other hand, that wasn’t the case. Her beliefs reveal toxic or internalized embarrassment common between codependents. Moreover, it’s caused by emotional abandonment in childhood and results in problems in intimate relationships.
Roots of envy and jealousy
Jealousy and envy are highly linked. They are the result of the deadly combination of anxiety-based self-doubt, anger, and an obsession with comparing oneself to others (often very poorly). Jealousy also has a very big root in fear- especially of losing approval or love from the object of one’s affection, or that something that one has will be taken from them. It is also rooted in an individual’s desire for importance including security. Jealousy usually comprises a triangle of three individuals- the jealous individual, their challenger (often misperceived), and the person whose notice is being strived for.
Envy is the appetite for what others have (i.e., status, lifestyle, properties, attributes, or relationships). If it is not controlled, it can develop into contempt, hatred, and the destruction of others. It reveals itself through dislike for others and annoyance over their prosperity. It is fueled by expectations that one deserves recognition and success over another individual and, as a result, is linked to desire and pride. Envy is the reverse of love because while love celebrates the good of another, envy seeks to stop another in order to benefit oneself.
So, to understand the roots of envy and jealousy in depth we need to understand first the differences between them.
Difference between Envy and Jealousy
Jealousy isn’t always materialistic. People envy how others adore you, show love to you, and hold a love for you. People resent the way you handled a situation that they couldn’t. What would break them, didn’t break you. They grudge because something they couldn’t get past was a wind for you.
My personal experience with this topic
As I was researching this topic. browsing through articles on the web, my heart started to race fast. Knowing the terms related to me. All my past experiences played like a movie, I realized where I sucked and where I didn’t. If you tell, you are not a jealous or suspicious person then there is something wrong. Too much of anything is always bad. These are common human emotions and they are there for a motive.
You notice your partner distancing from you, and spending most of their time with a co-worker probably more attractive than you. If you say you are not concerned there is a problem with you. You are denying reality. You may claim on having trust and loyalty, yes that is necessary too. But a sensible man will be like fuck trust, I need to figure what’s going on first. Jealousy also works on saving relationships as well. It acts as a precautionary tool.
Here being positive sucks. Your life is crushed in front of your eyes. You sit back saying it’s normal and reciting ‘all happens for a reason’. Confronting your fears and anxiety head-on, makes you more confident and self- assured in the long run.
Let me introduce to you the roots of the green-eyed monsters. # Roots of Envy And Jealousy
Children are frequently envious and jealous of the attention showered on a newborn sibling. The belief that a sibling is favored can create lifelong feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Roots of Envy
Envy is a feeling of dissatisfaction or covetousness with regard to someone‘s advantages, possessions, or characteristics such as beauty, success, or talent. It’s also a common resistance to shame when we feel less than another in some respect. When the defense is working, we’re not aware of feeling low. We may even feel superior and slander the person we resent. A narcissist might go so far as to sabotage or defame the envied person. All the while unconscious of feeling inferior himself.
I recently had posted an Instagram post. Discussing how I suffered from depression, how I got out of it, how I was my worst critic, how I overcame self-pity. I wrote there how a sweet girl was there for my help and how with her help all the above problems were solved. I learned to be vulnerable and to accept my reality. Luckily, I had the girl to be my sweetheart. A few days later after the post, I had her telling me that a friend of mine was spreading rumors about our relationship. In which the girl had the major role. I was furious because I regarded her to be a close friend.
I could sit and write articles on how to stop worrying about what others think of you. But I didn’t and determined to talk to her, to ask her to shut the fuck up. But my girlfriend stopped me from doing so. She told me Adin you can’t always stop people’s mouth from throwing shit. She told me maybe she is insecure herself.
Pride and aggression assist as support along with envy. Generally, the degree of our devaluation or aggression is equivalent to the extent of underlying guilt.
Roots of Jealousy
Jealousy also stems from feelings of inadequacy, though they are usually more known than envy. However, whereas envy is the want to possess what someone else has, jealousy is the fear of losing what we have. We feel susceptible to losing the eye or feelings of somebody on the brink of us. It is defined as psychic uneasiness thanks to mistrust or fear of rivalry or unfaithfulness and should include envy when our rival has aspects that we desire. By discouraging treachery, jealousy historically has served to take care of the species, certainty of paternity, and therefore the integrity of the family. But it is often a deadly force in relationships — even fatal. Jealousy is the leading cause of spousal homicides.
Causes of Envy and Jealousy
Causes of jealousy and envy include:
- Disappointment. Concentrating on what one doesn’t have rather than what one does have.
- Comparison to others. Some individuals were nurtured at an early age to evaluate themselves only through comparison to others.
- Pride. The false idea that one deserves a life filled with personal gain and pleasure.
- Seeking significance/Low self-esteem. An individual who does not feel good about their self often seeks importance in their circumstances rather than their true self.
- The appetite for worldly gain. Seeking wealth, appearance, status, accomplishments, or talents that are of only temporary value.
So, what according to you are the roots of Envy and Jealousy.
Let me know in the comments.
Start your journey to living an unfuckwithable life. “Alignment with oneself that no negative anyone does or says can touch you.”