We are born to be humans with unresolved trauma. In this blog, you will learn about 5 best ways to connect with your authentic self.
Before getting into the actual discussion, let’s go through a few questions on connecting with your authentic self.
👎Do you constantly doubt your decisions?
👎 Being alone is scary?
👎Are you always looking at your flaws?
👎Do you feel you aren’t ready!
👎Do you compare yourself to others all the time for instance on social media or in real life?
👎 Are you your biggest critic?
These are signs or you may say symptoms that clearly state you are not truly happy!
That’s fine I don’t give a f*ck about happiness! But, what you don’t know is that in the long run, it will make you depend on others for validation. So, we will go through the best 5 ways to connect with your authentic self.
Repeat the steps of this process to be happy. However, first, make it a habit of “Not caring about the world and the odd people in your lives.”
Everybody has such people but you can choose not to lose your peace.Tweet
“Be the sun” no matter how many clouds try to block its light, it still doesn’t leave to burn bright.
2. Stop self-betrayal to connect to Authentic Self
Our core needs at birth are to be seen, heard as well as to be uniquely expressed as our authentic selves.
We are born to humans with their unresolved trauma. When our parents have unresolved trauma, they are deeply disconnected from us. Also, their core belief is: I am not worthy. Something is inherently wrong with me.
This becomes unconsciously projected onto children. Children are highly perceptive. In an attempt to be loved + survive, we learn as children that parts of us are “bad.” So, this message either comes directly (example: “You are selfish, just like your father.”) Or indirectly (example: When you don’t perform or achieve and a parent withdraws their affection/attention.) We are taught to betray ourselves. Love + self-betrayal become part of our conditioning. It’s a protection mechanism. A survival instinct.
Firstly, we don’t trust ourselves + our own words.
Secondly, allow our boundaries to be crossed, or we don’t have them at all. Thirdly, we say yes when we mean “no.” We believe the illusion that we will never be loved for who we are. Reparenting is the practice of being our own wise, loving parent.
It’s the practice of self-care for instance, creating new habits, patterns, behaviors, through conscious awareness.
Everybody thinks that their problems are unique, but they are universal in case you didn’t know. Nobody talks about them as they are embarrassing and uncomfortable.Tweet
3. DON’T ASSIGN YOUR HAPPINESS TO ANYONE ELSE (I repeat to no one else)
You are completely responsible for your happiness. So, always be in control of that.
Yes, pretty much. Let’s understand a bit of psychology first.
Codependency at its core is the disconnection from self. For instance, we don’t understand where we end + another person begins. In childhood, we begin to learn these dynamics.
My childhood is a textbook example of codependency. Because I was raised in a home with parents who have been raised in homes of emotional neglect, they had a core wound. So, this core wound caused them to be disconnected from themselves. They could not share openly, communicate clearly, or set + hold boundaries.
In these environments, there are ‘big’ emotional states. This is from the lack of emotional boundaries. When one person in the home experiences an emotion, everyone in the home experiences the emotion. This becomes an emotional roller coaster where roles are played. One parent might become a peacemaker. A sibling might become a mediator between parents. We learn to perform these roles, rather than being who we are.
The deep lack of true emotional connection (where people vulnerably share separate emotional states + hold space for different emotional realities) does not exist. This always leads to resentment. And, so begins a lifelong search of finding that connection in someone.
How to become Unfuckwithable
A guide to help you with codependency.
Here are some questions to ask yourself or journal around codependency. But remember there is nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with codependency. After all, these are learned dynamics that can be unlearned with work. The first step is awareness.
1. How do you feel when you say no or decline doing something?
2. How often do you intervene in problems/disagreements with other people?
3. Do you have clear boundaries?
4. Do you seek emotional states of chaos (through content, gossip, or relationships)?
5. Does peacefulness or stability feel boring?
Dalai Lama said :
How can you make others happy when you are unhappy 👎? Start appreciating yourself first. YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND INDEPENDENT.
4. DO WHAT GETS YOU EXCITED AND DO IT OFTEN TO CONNECT WITH AUTHENTIC SELF
- Okay, so what are your interests in?
- What are the things you always wished to do?
- Do you want to learn a new skill? (it can be as simple as photography, cooking, singing, presenting yourself, communication).
Seek it out, Whatever it is, and do it often. Appreciate the little life as a blessing we got on earth. Since we have got an ample amount of time now during the crisis. Everybody is at home. So what’s stopping you from doing what you want?
Whatever, that makes you chill, you know the first step right “Repetition”. Make it your habit, your routine.
5. WHAT YOU GIVE OFF, YOU GET BACK TO CONNECT WITH YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF
Giving is a powerful system for bringing bliss into your life.
👍A compliment to a coworker
👍A handwritten note of appreciation
👍Inviting someone to get ahead of you in line. All of these seemingly little things will help elevate your happiness while creating tiny ripples that you may not see but when multiplied, help us make this world a far kinder and more beautiful place.
Okay, you’ve got through the five steps successfully Read it more than once, fit in your system, make it a ‘day one‘ and not ‘one day’
Firstly, do things without expecting anything in return. Secondly, Share without seeking validation. Thirdly, Sometimes your decisions can make others uncomfortable. Go ahead and choose for yourself.
Thank you for reading.
Share your ideas on connecting with your authentic self in the comments.
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